Branding, Strategy & Copywriting: Naming, Taglines, Brochures, Websites

Why You Need The Alchemist

Many companies have tremendous potential.

However, potential unrealized is to the branding expert as lead is to the alchemist---both are things that must be transformed into gold. Of course, chemical alchemy is not scientifically possible. Fortunately, branding alchemy is.

What The Alchemist Does for You

He identifies the true value inherent in your company, product or service and then uses analysis, strategy and communications to maximize that value.

We (The Alchemist & his Creative Muse) produce:

Business plans that raise capital
Marketing plans that work
Tag lines that sizzle
Print advertisements that brand
Websites that get readers to take action
Articles that get read
Brochures that aren't full of balderdash
Press releases that generate buzz
Direct mail that generates qualified leads
White papers that educate and enlighten
Technical manuals that make sense
Political ads and speeches that win voters
Sales letters that get results -- fast
Proposals that succeed
Corporate videos that captivate

Qui Bono? (Who Benefits)

Firms in:

Consumer products
Organic and Natural Foods
Enterprise software
High-technology
Commercial & residential real estate
Medical & prosthetic devices
Services targeted to small businesses
Educational services
Publishing
Fine art
High-end consumer pet products
Non-profits and academia

How

We write quickly.

With insight, passion and wit.

With impeccable grammar (think Safire,
Newman, Buckley).

Subject, of course, to advertising license (think Ogilvy).

Whether your audience members have grade school educations or postgraduate degrees from Harvard, Oxford and the Sorbonne, we'll craft the copy you require.

Why The Alchemist Is Different & Why You Should Care

In this age of specialization, he---and his creative muse---are stalwart anachronisms, otherwise known as Renaissance Men -- and Women. Except that we don't speak Italian.

But we do understand branding and positioning. Because we've done it, not just read about it.

Our personal interests include literature, poetry, history, psychology, philosophy, religion, music, cosmology, mathematics, medicine, law, economics, sports, orthography (a fancy word that essentially means "spelling"), financial instruments such as futures and options, marketing, biotechnology & genetics, negotiation, software, branding, nutrition and various and sundry other subjects worthy of rumination, cogitation, expostulation and contemplation.

Which just goes to show that there always are exceptions to the copywriting dictum that sentences be short and syllables few.

Perhaps you've concluded that we are elitists. If that means refusing to settle for anything less than excellence, then count us in.

After all, would you want someone ashamed of his own ability to write your most important documents?

Remember also that Socrates (i.e., Plato) said:

The wise man knows what he does not know
better than what he does.

OK, so his English wasn't all that great. The point is that, if we're not the best people to help you, we'll tell you straight out. Then, we'll help find someone who can.

How do we work? By the project or on retainer. Because copywriting should never, ever, be charged by the hour. To see why, let's consider a brief story.

How Paying by the Hour Ruins Your Marketing
(aka The Allegory of Harold Dumbwaiter)

Suppose you have a choice: hire copywriter Harold Dumbwaiter for $50/hr., or hire us for, say, $800/hr. Copywriter Harold looks cheap. But he isn't. He takes 100 hours to do what you want, you pay him $5,000 and you get copy which smells worse than a meat locker in Brooklyn.

We, on the other hand, would have taken 2 hours to do what you wanted and to deliver superlative copy that exceeded all your expectations. Cost: $1,600, less than 1/3 that of Harold's. The problem is that you'd never have hired us or anyone at that rate, except for perhaps a defense attorney if you'd been charged with Murder One.

The faster and better we were, the less we'd make! The longer it took us to conjure the words you need, the more hours we'd rack up and the more dollars you'd ultimately pay.

And it gets even worse. Every time you have a good idea or want to talk to or email hourly Harold, you incur more clock time and spend more money. The greater his mediocrity, the better off he does.

Hire The Alchemist Now for Strategy, Branding & Copywriting

If you're tired of paying for copy that doesn't sell, marketing plans that don't work and brands that only someone with a bilateral lobotomy could love, consider hiring us.

Unlike others, we won't tell you what you want to hear. We'll tell you what you need to know in order to actually get better customers, more revenue and higher market penetration. Then, with your approval, we'll implement it. So stop beating yourself up and experience the hedonistic joy of marketing that works. Call or email The Alchemist today.

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